health and studio update

~ the photo above is taken moments before I was to depart to start the process of surgery, enjoying the sweetness of company with some dear friends who brought levity to the anxiety ~
photo credit to Kim Taylor

Much has happened since my last entry, but now that the journal is up and functioning again I do hope this will assist in my more regular communications.

I regularly journal at home with a pencil and a Moleskin sketchbook. Old school. I draw and process by seeing and feeling myself write by hand. To ‘write’ with a keyboard is not my forté but I will give it an honest attempt. It feels like I access a different part of my brain - it feels more clunky and heady - but it is valuable nonetheless.

This summer I was diagnosed with DCIS - an early form of breast cancer. Thank the stars it’s not invasive and has a really good recovery rate. The margins after surgery are not clear, but my lymph nodes are healthy.
It’s a little good, a little not so good. But overall optimistic.

It has been a month since my surgery - my partial mastectomy and sentinel node biopsy (lymph extraction).
To my surprise (though not to anyone else’s) I was in bed for 2 weeks recovering. It’s a blur now but I do remember lovely visits with lovely people, flowers in vases and a soup train which kept me nourished and loved. And sleeping a whole dang of a lot!
I still struggle with exhaustion and physical discomfort as well as waves of emotion as I process the reality of my situation. But I am constantly reminded of how amazing our community is as well. It’s pretty awesome..

I am wishing to disclose this very private matter because it is important that I am honest with you and honest with myself.
The support that I have received has left my heart so full of gratitude - it is important to me that I am disclosing my private life in honour of all of you who have (in your myriad of ways) supported myself and the company during this time. It is all intertwined.
I am sitting in the vulnerability as a means of empowerment as it is the fuel that moves me forward to a healthier self.

We are continuing on as we normally do though we are beginning to expand what we thought we knew and understood with a renewed sense of curiosity how to do things differently - infusing our process with more creativity and a playful spirit and bringing in more helping hands ;)

My energy levels are lower therefore I have to assess my capacity as it all unfolds.
Perhaps this will be a good thing - I am learning how to find a healthier work/play balance. I am learning how to rest and recover. I am learning how to work smarter not harder. I am learning how to ask for help in ways I never thought possible and learning how to be more expansive in my thinking and practice being less stressed about work. In essence: reduce my cortisol levels. Stress is not good for our health.

The type of BC I have has an optimistic rate of recovery/survival and for this I am grateful.
I am also grateful to have someone in my community who has survived and just recently been confirmed clear of the same kind of cancer (though hers was invasive) as my mentor.
I am able to witness and be inspired by her health, her vibrancy and her journey.
It is a profound way to know someone and something I cherish.
Community is everything.

Upon my return to the studio I have committed to more design/creative time, sewing samples and feeling more like an artist in a studio than I have in a long time. Keep an eye out for new fabrics and a more playful patterns emerging. This is medicine for me and hopefully you will feel the infusion of inspiration in my words, our designs and a general feeling of levity in the studio.

I started MG because I love to design, I love to make clothes, I love to dress people and I love to nerd out about fabric. The studio is my happy place.
No time like the present to go back to one’s roots as a reminder of who we are and what makes us happy as a means of staying true to one’s spirit.
This is the essence.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.